In Between My Time

In between my time, is a phrase I have coined, extending back to the days when I often felt lost on the inside, usually after some type of loss. This loss was usually related to a change in what was the norm, to something, that was going to be a new way of life, a new type of living without what was. I was no longer in the old place surrounded by comfort, I was not in the new place feeling comfort, I was somewhere in between.

When I mention the word comfort, the meaning does not necessarily reflect that, because you can be in an abusive relationship, an unstable home, etc., for a length of time, and anything other than that, can cause you to feel uncomfortable. Another words, if you have grown use to living in chaos, then being ejected into a peaceful atmosphere, can be overwhelming to your senses.

My first recollection of this feeling of in between my time, or lostness, was when my father divorced my first stepmother after having been married to her for almost 10 years. My step mother had a son who was only a year and a half older than me, and a handicapped daughter who was a year and half younger than me. I had been the middle child during the relationship for years, and now I was going to be slung back into a life of being the only child. I was completely overwhelmed at the feeling of being alone. Nothing felt right, no one was the same, my world was now completely different.

I know I am not alone in this. This period of our lives, and the feeling of being uncomfortable in our own skin happens when we change jobs, careers, change relationships, move to another location, change schools, get a divorce, lose a pet, lose a family member, etc. Nothing feels right, or comfortable, and the length of time we are in this place, varies for each of us.

I find this time in my life, the most difficult of times. But yet, here I am today, I am alive, so therefore, I made it through. I made it through because I pushed through the uncomfortableness, and that uncomfortableness, began to be comfortable in itself. I adapted.

What we do with ourselves during this time, is crucial to our being. For some they can’t handle it, and they drift into negative living with bad choices. For others, they take more positive actions. Even the smallest step towards positivity can change our lives towards the better. I learned this philosophy while attending a twelve step program for my depression. The phrase, “Keep coming back, it works if you work it,” really does work, if you keep coming back! The reason you keep coming back is because eventually, it will begin to feel comfortable, like a habit.

My hope today, is that no matter where you find yourself at, just know that if you keep taking steps however so little towards where you want to be in life, you will get there eventually. Keep doing what’s right for you, and everything will fall into its place. The uncomfortableness will take on a new shape and create a new beginning. So keep coming back, and work it, and it will work for you! 🙂

Just thoughts

Bridgette~

http://hardtobemeinoklahoma.com/

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The Power of Being Offset

Their are often times in my life that I find myself in a troubling space whether it be physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual. You know what I am talking about, the kind of space in the mind where everything gets all jumbled up and mixed up due to perhaps some bad choices or some type of neglect. For me its like a dirty house, neglected, clothes dropped on the floor, dishes piled in the sink, dust built up on the book shelf.

How I arrived at this point usually is almost shear lack of motivation, or like I mentioned above, bad choices. All these things in my life that eventually get put off, or done incorrectly, or piled up in the corner, eventually spill over into this sense of overwhelming impending disarray of emotional crisis. This awful dreadfulness like some kind of unplugged computer, eventually drains me.

Then it happens.

Something about being offset eventually snaps me like a rubber band out of the overwhelming chaos. I wake up and start cleaning house. The feeling of being offset motivates me to reset! I notice my focus is no longer hazy or lazy per say, and I am able to recognize with a clearer picture where I went wrong.

I find myself wanting to do better, be better, feel better. Be all I can be. It’s like knowing your mother is coming to visit in a matter of hours, so you start putting everything in its place, dust the bookshelf off, wash the dishes, and clean out the toilet bowl.

When all this cleaning house is done, I find something amazing has happened to my internal self, and that instead of feeling rotten to the core, I am refreshed and come out smelling like a rose. The energy that was once lost, is now recharged. Everything is feeling amazingly good, and well.

The sun is now shining bright in my life, the birds are chirping, and a sense of peace is now fulfilling. My observation of this whole process leads me to this one conclusion about life. If there was no darkness in our lives, then perhaps we would never truly appreciate the light. If we never made mistakes or bad choices then perhaps we would never truly grow as people.

Today, I can truly say, that I am thankful for the mistakes in my life, the bad choices I’ve made, the laziness that motivated me, to be better than I was perhaps even yesterday. Perhaps all these messed up things and bad feelings, have put me on a much clearer path to a brighter place. Even more so, even though I have those horrible days of depression there is this one thing I hold onto, THIS TOO SHALL PASS!

Thank you for reading,

Just thoughts

Bridgette~

http://hardtobemeinoklahoma.com/

I am blessed to be here and if my work is helping you in anyway all contributions are welcomed! Thank you in advance. 

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Self Pity

Something about this poem written by D H Lawrence resonates within my soul. The poem is written in free verse.

The poem circles around the central three words, “sorry for itself”, returning twice, once in the second line and then again at the poems conclusion.

It is suggested the way self-pity is self consuming and, ultimately self destructive…

Brilliant!

G.I. Jane

One of the best movies that inspires me to never give up! Definitely, a must watch!

Bridgette ~

I am blessed to be here and if my work is helping you in anyway all contributions are welcomed! Thank you in advance. 

photo of coffee on wooden table

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It’s A Tuff World

Some days I feel like I’m the windshield other days the bug! Which is it today, I don’t know. It’s been a tuff couple days that’s for sure though. I have no idea where all this disharmony is coming from.

Sure having children, relatives, family members, friends can be a positive thing, but today nobody wants to get along. The whole world doesn’t seem to want to get along. That rainbow in the sky is dissipating. Sigh…

Sadly to say, I’m hiding out in a crowded parking lot, by myself. Too much noise elsewhere. The feeling of peace in my soul is gone.

We cannot control other people’s attitudes, resentments, or even what they think about you. We can only control ourselves and even that sometimes is difficult. But today I will not join in with all the negativity. Sure my feelings are hurt with angry words, but I will survive. I will not retaliate. I will just sit in my own company.

Love yourself people. Love yourself enough to stand strong. Stay true to yourself. Forgive others even when it’s the most difficult. Do not carry their burdens. Give time to time to heal.

Have faith that better days will come. And love yourself the most during these days….

Just thoughts-

Bridgette ~

Gracie’s Shortcomings

As I was pulled down to my already skinned up knees again this morning after fitting Gracie, my black Labrador with a new so called non pull harness (yeah, right, whatever), I was quick to be angry, but after some thought, I realized, that Gracie was only reacting out of instinct when she saw another dog approaching her territory. This thought process got me to thinking about our own human nature, mostly mine of course, don’t you know its usually all about me. 🙂

My nature when other people tend to approach me, usually depends on my mood. Sometimes, I tend to greet with a smile, and other times, I sink back, into despair, and reluctantly, hope that whomever it is, that they don’t see me. Really? I’m right there, of course they can see me. I do stupid things a lot, and perhaps that’s why, friendships and me are hard to keep because people don’t understand or so it seems because I am so fickle. I’ve always disliked that word, probably because my step mother slapped that label on me when I was a teenager, but I can see it now. A shortcoming, I am not to fond of myself for.

Gracie has another shortcoming. Gracie, tends to eat anything and everything, literally. I saved her life last month, after she ingested a pair of my socks. Unfortunately for her, the laundry detergent started eating her stomach lining and the first part of her intestines. After some heavy antibiotics and an exploratory surgery topped with a fine couple of days at the vet, Gracie survived. It has taken some time, but Gracie has regained her weight plus some, and she is still trying to put everything in her mouth.

This type of shortcoming that Gracie has, not knowing what harms her, reminds me of a lot of people including myself. I think about all the harm we do to ourselves, all the not knowing better, or perhaps, its inheritably embedded within us. My mother is an alcoholic and my brother has been in and out of prison for drugs, both of which run in our family gene pool. I didn’t get the alcohol or drug itch, but I do have the gambling issue, which I am currently working on. I feel bad that I have gone years without speaking to the both of them, because I have been angry. We are all currently, though, restarting our relationships, but I do it with caution, and I do it out of sincere love because well, life is too short.

I am grateful Gracie is in my life today, as well as other people. Gracie may be, just a dog, but she is also my teacher about life. She may have many short comings, but so do I. I may have been pulled down to my knees again this morning, but I will heal. I should have been more aware of my surroundings, and been prepared, but I wasn’t. A lesson to hold onto.

What shortcomings do you have and what attitudes do you place on other people for their shortcomings? Do you think you could ever learn to stop judging them? How do you look at your own short comings?

Just thoughts

Bridgette~

I am blessed to be here and if my work is helping you in anyway all contributions are welcomed! Thank you in advance. 

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