Anything Is Possible


As I reflect back to just a year ago in my own life today on where I was, what I was doing, and just who I was, the difference is like night and day. My thinking is different, my personal goals are different, my relationships with myself and people are different.

Some of the changes that have taken place have taken a more gradual slow approach, while others were like a leap. I have lost some things and yet I have gained so much. The point is, I didn’t stay stuck or stagnant.

So many times in my life, I found myself being sucked up into a state of depression, that I was blinded by what could be possible. I even went so far in 2013 that I attempted to take my own life. My own reasoning was that I thought nothing was going to get better and my children were all going to grow up and move away and I was going to be left alone.

I honestly could not see the other side of the coin! That is the way depression hinders your thoughts and any type of vision of the future. You are literally blinded. It is the saddest state of being.

My hopes today is that no matter who you are, where you are, and what you are doing, your able to take some kind of hold to these words-never give up! Never give up on the fact that anything is possible!

Words cannot describe just how grateful I am for that day that I was saved! I had no blood pressure, honestly, it was a miracle, I am here today! I have a new outlook on life, I am a stronger person than I was back then, and though I still get depressed, I hang on until my thoughts change for the better.

If I can do it, so can you! I was one of the lucky ones, and you can be one too!

Thank you for reading,

Glad to be here!

Just thoughts

Bridgette~

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The Power of Being Offset


Their are often times in my life that I find myself in a troubling space whether it be physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual. You know what I am talking about, the kind of space in the mind where everything gets all jumbled up and mixed up due to perhaps some bad choices or some type of neglect. For me its like a dirty house, neglected, clothes dropped on the floor, dishes piled in the sink, dust built up on the book shelf.

How I arrived at this point usually is almost shear lack of motivation, or like I mentioned above, bad choices. All these things in my life that eventually get put off, or done incorrectly, or piled up in the corner, eventually spill over into this sense of overwhelming impending disarray of emotional crisis. This awful dreadfulness like some kind of unplugged computer, eventually drains me.

Then it happens.

Something about being offset eventually snaps me like a rubber band out of the overwhelming chaos. I wake up and start cleaning house. The feeling of being offset motivates me to reset! I notice my focus is no longer hazy or lazy per say, and I am able to recognize with a clearer picture where I went wrong.

I find myself wanting to do better, be better, feel better. Be all I can be. It’s like knowing your mother is coming to visit in a matter of hours, so you start putting everything in its place, dust the bookshelf off, wash the dishes, and clean out the toilet bowl.

When all this cleaning house is done, I find something amazing has happened to my internal self, and that instead of feeling rotten to the core, I am refreshed and come out smelling like a rose. The energy that was once lost, is now recharged. Everything is feeling amazingly good, and well.

The sun is now shining bright in my life, the birds are chirping, and a sense of peace is now fulfilling. My observation of this whole process leads me to this one conclusion about life. If there was no darkness in our lives, then perhaps we would never truly appreciate the light. If we never made mistakes or bad choices then perhaps we would never truly grow as people.

Today, I can truly say, that I am thankful for the mistakes in my life, the bad choices I’ve made, the laziness that motivated me, to be better than I was perhaps even yesterday. Perhaps all these messed up things and bad feelings, have put me on a much clearer path to a brighter place. Even more so, even though I have those horrible days of depression there is this one thing I hold onto, THIS TOO SHALL PASS!

Thank you for reading,

Just thoughts

Bridgette~

I am blessed to be here and if my work is helping you in anyway all contributions are welcomed! Thank you in advance. 

photo of red rose

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What Lies Beneath


One of the most difficult parts of my life tends to lie underneath the surface. It wasn’t until my later years when a psychiatrist explained to me that all the emotional pain in my life has a tendency to cause actual physical symptoms of being unwell. I have been told that your body remembers. Your body remembers trauma, certain times of the year when you experienced the trauma, even certain times of the day. Both emotional and physical symptoms are intertwined.

I am in no way a professional on this subject matter, I am not a medical doctor nor a psychiatrist. I can only tell you from my own personal experiences what all this means to me. I absolutely believe it. It is not something I wish on anyone. For me personally, being sick to my stomach, feeling terrible on the inside with no means of explaining why, has literally been a challenging part of my life.

For example, I did not write anything yesterday, because after a brief visit with my mother and grandmother, I began to feel physically ill. I became so ill in fact that I had to lay down for most of the afternoon. The day went by and my face became flush and my husband could literally see that I was not well. I am still feeling the physical pains in my stomach this morning and I am hoping this will all go away soon.

What does a visit from my mother have to do with anything you might be asking. Well, in my younger years my mother was a practicing alcoholic. She would come at me with hateful remarks about how I reminded her of my dad who use to beat her when they were together. I remember specifically one day when she came home from the bar and tackled me down to the ground because I was washing dishes and she accused me of taking over her house. Now this might have happened over 30 years ago, but trust me, my body still remembers. My mind still remembers.

My mother and I’s relationship has been on and off over the years, and is now mending, so I found it astonishing to realize yesterday and today, what all is going on with me physically even now after the immediate trauma has past. I find it personally saddening to forgive someone and to try to move forward only to have the physical symptoms raise their ugly heads and want to hold me back. Now mind you, my mother was not the worst case I had to deal with growing up, my father on the other hand, was by far the worst of them all. So, to sit here and realize at this very moment, that if I were to ever physically see my father, I might need to mentally prepare myself for what might happen to my overall well being.

Perhaps all this is just a fluke. Perhaps all this is a coincidence you might be thinking. Well perhaps, maybe. But this is not the first time this has happened. This has happened to me so much in my life, that my heart is weakened, and my immune system is low. I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I suffer with severe headaches. I have weakened bones. The list goes on.

I am fortunate to have good days. These are the days that when I feel okay, I literally look like a mad woman attempting to complete anything and everything and can practically overwork anyone because I utilize those days to my advantage. I self consciously know that time is of the utmost importance because eventually I will be overwhelmed with some sort of sickness, or pain, or depression and I will become no longer functional. Some days the sickness will last just a day, other times it may last a week or more.

I am curious to know if there are others out their like me. Do you suffer from physical unexplained illnesses and pain? Does it tend to happen during certain times of the days, months, years, when childhood trauma occurred?

Our minds and emotions are powerful things for this I know for certain. I am like an onion with so many unpeeled layers that even my own mind doesn’t recognize these certain events until the physical symptoms appear. What I wouldn’t give to know these timelines for I could better prepare myself. It is a mystery to me to what lies beneath..

Just thoughts

Bridgette~

I am blessed to be here and if my work is helping you in anyway all contributions are welcomed! Thank you in advance. 

selective focus photography red cup of coffee

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My Mind My Jungle


My mind is not setting easy today. I feel lost, without direction. What is it, that provokes our thoughts to sway towards confusion so early? I do not know. Weekends should be filled with joy and relaxation, but not us, for we have projects that have projects. It gets so confusing as to which one to choose, which one to do, and which ones to put off. The end results of having too much, nothing gets done. So very sad, but true.

When you work so hard during the week for everyone else, and then the weekend hits, and you begin to feel the excitement of accomplishing some of your own doings, it feels like a torrential rain. Fit to be tide, I want to move, but my mind starts in again, lost without direction. A jungle perhaps, a mountain to climb, a waterfall to dodge through.

But on the more positive note, the morning air is cool, the view outside the window is nice, the dog is calm and napping. It is so easy to get sucked into the tornado of negativity, but once you force your mind to look at the bright side, it manages to calm the storm, and to allow a peak of light amongst the trees. Did I mention the coffee is good today as well? 🙂

Breakfast will be made soon, and the smell of crisp bacon will fill the air. The neighbors chickens are croaking, and perhaps my mind will settle. I wish you all the best this fine Sunday morning, as for mine, it is beginning to find some calmness. I feel better, sharing some of my craziness, my world, my thoughts, my over reactive thinking, as I type away, and feel your warmth of friendship.

Take care world, friends and neighbors. I hope you all can get a break as well from all the madness that dwells on the inside of us. Hold close the finer things in life, and when your mind leans towards the jungle, take a moment and just stop. Give your thoughts a positive direction by looking towards the little things that make life good. Enjoy your coffee, enjoy the sweet smells, and enjoy the light.

Just thoughts,

Bridgette~

I am blessed to be here and if my work is helping you in anyway all contributions are welcomed! Thank you in advance. 

photo of coffee on wooden table

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Meet, My Dog, Gracie


Now who can resist, a precious sleepy time moment? Isn’t that when dogs are the most innocent? Meet my dog, Gracie! My how she has grown in just a short amount of time.

Today, I’m grateful Gracie is still with me. Gracie had a terrible time in June, when she ate a pair of my socks, and had to be vetted. After several days in the vet, a surgery, and lots of antibiotics, she survived. She did not eat for a week, though, and she was so grossly thin when I brought her home. But, with lots of love, and small meals to begin with, Gracie quickly sprung back to her old self, she filled back out, and continues to want to eat everything.

I wanted you all to meet Gracie, not just because she is so cute, but because if you stick around, you will find that I often refer to her in my writings. Having Gracie is the best thing I have done for myself, she seems to encourage me everyday without judging me. Gracie is adventurous and strong, and some times when I want to do absolutely nothing, I have to get up and take Gracie outside, which is very therapeutic for those of us who have depression.

Gracie is also taking me on a new adventure. I am currently trying to learn the in’s and out of the town city council, in order to establish a city wide dog park. I have never done such a thing as this. I moved to this small town in Oklahoma not to long ago, and adopted Gracie in March. I believe dogs as well as us humans need daily exercise, and so therefore I take her. The walks have been good for both our souls, but lately, there has been numerous big dogs running around loose. Every day it seems, my walks with Gracie are getting shorter and shorter, because we have to stay close to the house, and run inside to escape these loose dogs. I trust Gracie, but I do not trust dogs that run loose.

Gracie, looking out the window

So here I am today, pushing for a city wide dog park. I have picked up the paper work necessary to get this order on the agenda. I have spoken to the city manager, who thinks my idea is great, and much needed. The city manager now is suggesting I come up with a fund raiser to fund the project, say what? So, here I go to learn something I know nothing about. Here I go having to get out of myself and to interact with other people. Maybe, I will be great at it!

I will be posting more about this process as I learn it. If your bored with your life in your own community, try and think of ways you can add to it positively. I watched a tv program where a guy gave homeless people haircuts, now that’s awesome! Never stop learning, now that’s a big one! If you don’t like where you are, then change it! If you need someone in your life that will never judge you, get a dog, a rabbit, a hamster, or a plant!

Thank you all for stopping by and reading! Have a wonderful, blessed day!

Bridgette~

I am blessed to be here and if my work is helping you in anyway all contributions are welcomed! Thank you in advance. 

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