Tuff love and our children? While reflecting over the past few days of my life, it has been brought to my attention that perhaps I have not been the best parent when it comes to teaching my children responsibility and to be independent. When my children were young I found it much easier to do all of the household chores myself in order to save time and to prevent arguments over who would do what. Fast forward to my children becoming adults and I can honestly say, I harmed them.
I did not create independent children.
I did not create responsible children.
I may have the most polite children but just how far is that going to go in their lives, if they have no clue how to be responsible independent adults?
I for one, can honestly say, that I had no clue as to how to be a parent, I just was one, a mother to four children to be exact.
The question I have to ask myself today is this, why did I NOT teach them these core values?
Looking back I feared being a bad parent. When you come from abusive homes and lifestyles like I did, I did not want my children to hate me, I did not want my children to fear me, and I did not want my children to go through what I experienced.
Sometimes though, trying to avoid bad parenting in these areas, creates problems in other areas, such as the two I have mentioned today, the lack of independence, and responsibility in my children.
Now that I have identified these issues, and the reasoning behind it, I can move forward, to the- how can I do better today?
- I have to stop enabling them. I am their parent and I will no longer accept their responsibility as my own. I do not see a problem with helping a child out during hardships but to continue to do so on a regular basis I feel is wrong. It is not fair to myself, nor is it creating responsibility and independence in them.
- I have to stop fearing hurting their feelings. Being too compassionate can often lead to trouble or so I have discovered. People can pray on this attribute and make themselves appear helpless, if you can catch my drift. Hell, even my dog, Gracie has figured this one out about me, she will bark and whine her way right out of me to get anything she wants! ;(
- Allow children to be adults. By allowing them to make their own mistakes will hopefully create their own life lessons. I am not God, so why pretend to be so. I had to learn the hard way about lots of things, and today, I am grateful I did, its all a part of life.
I am sure their is plenty more I can add to this list, but for now, I need to personally focus on these. Trust me, when I can see I have plenty of work here to start doing. Perhaps in another blog I will let you know how it all works out. 😉
Tuff love has nothing to do with loving your children any less or more. Tuff love is about teaching your children core values that is necessary to function as adults in the world.
It is my hopes that my children will become better independent responsible adults. It is my hopes that someday, when I am no longer here that they will be able to survive without me bailing them out of life.
My dog, Gracie
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