Tuff Love and Our Children

Tuff love and our children? While reflecting over the past few days of my life, it has been brought to my attention that perhaps I have not been the best parent when it comes to teaching my children responsibility and to be independent. When my children were young I found it much easier to do all of the household chores myself in order to save time and to prevent arguments over who would do what. Fast forward to my children becoming adults and I can honestly say, I harmed them.

I did not create independent children.

I did not create responsible children.

I may have the most polite children but just how far is that going to go in their lives, if they have no clue how to be responsible independent adults?

I for one, can honestly say, that I had no clue as to how to be a parent, I just was one, a mother to four children to be exact.

The question I have to ask myself today is this, why did I NOT teach them these core values?

Looking back I feared being a bad parent. When you come from abusive homes and lifestyles like I did, I did not want my children to hate me, I did not want my children to fear me, and I did not want my children to go through what I experienced.

Sometimes though, trying to avoid bad parenting in these areas, creates problems in other areas, such as the two I have mentioned today, the lack of independence, and responsibility in my children.

Now that I have identified these issues, and the reasoning behind it, I can move forward, to the- how can I do better today?

  • I have to stop enabling them. I am their parent and I will no longer accept their responsibility as my own. I do not see a problem with helping a child out during hardships but to continue to do so on a regular basis I feel is wrong. It is not fair to myself, nor is it creating responsibility and independence in them.
  • I have to stop fearing hurting their feelings. Being too compassionate can often lead to trouble or so I have discovered. People can pray on this attribute and make themselves appear helpless, if you can catch my drift. Hell, even my dog, Gracie has figured this one out about me, she will bark and whine her way right out of me to get anything she wants! ;(
  • Allow children to be adults. By allowing them to make their own mistakes will hopefully create their own life lessons. I am not God, so why pretend to be so. I had to learn the hard way about lots of things, and today, I am grateful I did, its all a part of life.

I am sure their is plenty more I can add to this list, but for now, I need to personally focus on these. Trust me, when I can see I have plenty of work here to start doing. Perhaps in another blog I will let you know how it all works out. 😉

Tuff love has nothing to do with loving your children any less or more. Tuff love is about teaching your children core values that is necessary to function as adults in the world.

It is my hopes that my children will become better independent responsible adults. It is my hopes that someday, when I am no longer here that they will be able to survive without me bailing them out of life.

Just thoughts

Self improvement

My dog, Gracie

Personal health


to reach my homepage please click here: http://hardtobemeinoklahoma.com

Turning Back Time

round silver colored chronograph watch

If only we could turn back time would we spend more time with loved ones now lost?

If only we could turn back time would we whisper to ourselves the secrets of what is important and what is not?

If only we could turn back time would we give more to the stranger under the bridge a few words of our courage?

If only we could turn back time would we laugh more and enjoy the true beauty of simplicity?

If only we could turn back time would we paint the world in colors instead of black and white?

If only we could turn back time would we live life to the fullest instead of sitting on the couch and wasting away?

If only we could turn back time would we be our true selves instead of what we think you want it to be?

If only we could turn back time would we allow ourselves to love whole heartedly?

If only we could turn back time would we save that starving puppy out in the rain?

If only we could turn back time would we give more than we took?

If only we could turn back time would we cherish the moments that we will never get back?

If only we could turn back time would we….

As I turn my clocks back this morning in retrospect to daylight savings time, I ponder these things.

Just thoughts


Compassion Unlimited

Compassion is every where if you just take a moment and look around. Compassion is not limited to just the human race but to all things believe that one! I feel its important to stop for a moment and recognize that giving a little bit of ourselves to others can help not only change a life, but enhance our own. As I reflect on this past week, I think about the ways that I could have been a little more compassionate in certain situations. I also reflect on how others were compassionate to my own needs. Thank You!

What an amazing gift compassion is, and can be, if now we could just apply it to our daily lives. Perhaps the world would be even a greater place if we showed a little more love and compassion. 😉

Just thoughts


to visit my homepage please click here: http://hardtobemeinoklahoma.com

When The Universe Speaks

gray and black galaxy wallpaper

It wasn’t that long ago when I experienced a frightful trip to the emergency room after having some strange experience with my heart. I couldn’t breathe, and my heart physically hurt. One moment I was fine typing away on my computer and the next a strong pain wrapped itself around my whole middle like being cuffed with an iron belt. A couple of antacids didn’t make any of the pain go away. What was even more frightful was the fact that my left arm and lower jaw began to tingle.

Once I arrived at the ER, I was looked after by a polite gray haired doctor. His voice was soothing. The nurse on duty, hooked me up to a heart monitor, which began beeping immediately only to show my heart rate was below the normal. My blood pressure was low as well.

Now for me personally, I have had experience with many doctors but this one was different. We connected. Have you ever met people that you just seem to connect with in some weird kind of way? It was as if he knew me, it was as if he knew my whole life’s story without me saying a single word. The only thing I recalled mentioning to this doctor was the fact that the day before, I had been installing a wooden fence on our soon to be new home, and that I had to stop frequently due to being short of breath.

close up photo of a stethoscope

What the doctor said to me after this, caught my attention. I thought it was completely unusual. The doctor said I was using, “staying busy,” to compensate for not dealing with my real issues. Say what? How does he know I have real issues and what real issues is he talking about? My mind quickly went to the idea that somehow he was saying that being active was unhealthy which I have never even thought was possible. The doctor must have known my mind was wondering off, when he brought up the question of, “do I meditate?” Now how did he know that I had recently purchased meditation books? Again, I have never experienced a medical doctor refer to meditation as a form of healing.

This brings me to the point of this blog. As I sit here today, reviewing my life and recent events, I wonder if the universe is speaking to me? I would give it a definitive yes! I was right where I was suppose to be at that given time, to hear what I needed to hear. Honestly, I was in the process of giving those books away because I had become too busy to really focus on them. But maybe, the universe needs me to relax, needs me to heal, needs me to share with you, my experience so that you too can heal.

What activity do we use to avoid our own self healing? For some of us, perhaps its over working ourselves, for others it my be, shopping, while others perhaps its drowning ourselves into some tv program. I also know some people who spend their days focusing on other peoples problem to avoid their own. Do we take enough time out of our days, to really focus on healing from our past traumas, or even recent events? Do we even realize that we are all dealing with something, some sort of issues, that we need to work out in order to be complete and whole beings? Do we ever pay attention to what the universe is putting right in front of us in order to heal?

Just some questions I thought I would ask as I venture down my own path towards healing. I don’t know about you but I want to be a better version of myself everyday and in order to do this, I should really pay attention as to what the universe is speaking and do as she suggest. What a wonderful life I could have if I no longer suffered from depression and anxiety issues. What a wonderful life it would be to be whole again. What a wonderful life we all could have if we just took a few minutes out of our days to focus on healing ourselves…

Just Thoughts

Personal Health

Self Improvement


to visit my homepage please click here: http://hardtobemeinoklahoma.com

When You Don’t Know What You Want

For me personally, knowing what I want has always been a struggle. I have a tendency to be fickle. It’s not one of my favorite character traits at all. The definition of fickle is this: changing frequently, especially as regards to one’s loyalties, interest, or affection. Now who would want to admit this? No one, I would think, but unfortunately I do see this in me. On a positive note though, being able to recognize that I have a problem is the first step towards healing.

I spent years in college studying law enforcement, sociology, psychology, science, and nursing, just trying to figure out why everyone behaves the way they do. Back then my goal was to figure out why bad things happened to me, and why some of my family members did what they did. In conclusion, I realized we were all just doing the best we could at that moment, given the fact that we didn’t know any better. If you were never taught how to be a good parent, then how would you know how to be one? If you were never taught how to properly love someone, how would you know how to love? I still struggle to this day, trying to figure out how to love my own children, myself, and others.

Now back to the fickle part. During my childhood abuse, I was taught:

1. To not think for myself.

2. I was to never question anyone’s authority.

3. I was basically told to keep my mouth shut.

Just looking at these 3 issues can you imagine developing into an adult? Now how would I ever learn to think if I was never allowed to? I also was taught that my opinion did not matter, and that it would never matter, and when it comes to verbal communication, I still get nervous to this day, when I speak, 40 years later.

With these 3 issues being pointed out, it is of no wonder why I am fickle and why I struggle to know what I want. I am having to think for myself, which doesn’t necessary mean its easy. I also tend to look around to see if I am offending anyone with my opinion because again, my opinion doesn’t really matter or does it? And last but not least, speaking about subjects like this is not natural to me, speaking in general, is not natural.

You would think that because I am no longer being abused and that it happened so many years ago, that I should just get over it. Do you know though, that when children are abused, that their brain actually develops differently? Their whole wiring is wired unlike a normal healthy brain. It takes years of training to retrain your brain if it can be done depending on what damage has been done.

For me personally, I have learned to compensate for some skills that I am lacking. I may not know what I want, but at least I have the ability to know what I do not want, some sort of backwards thinking you might call it. I have spent years, doing everything backwards even if it means doing things the hard way.

So in conclusion, as I am learning this whole blogging process, please, keep in mind, that it is a learning curve, a process of figuring out what I want to gain from this experience and what I don’t want. My whole life is a learning curve and its like some curvy winding road that’s full of adventure. I hope to never stop learning about myself, others, and life in general.

When it comes to being fickle, and knowing what I want, well, that will take some time too to figure out, I will just need to apply myself and rewire my brain and if it takes knowing what I don’t want to get their, then perhaps that’s the best course of action to take when you don’t know what you want to begin with.

Have I confused you yet?

Just thoughts,


to visit my homepage please click: http://hardtobemeinoklahoma.com