In Between My Time

In between my time, is a phrase I have coined, extending back to the days when I often felt lost on the inside, usually after some type of loss. This loss was usually related to a change in what was the norm, to something, that was going to be a new way of life, a new type of living without what was. I was no longer in the old place surrounded by comfort, I was not in the new place feeling comfort, I was somewhere in between.

When I mention the word comfort, the meaning does not necessarily reflect that, because you can be in an abusive relationship, an unstable home, etc., for a length of time, and anything other than that, can cause you to feel uncomfortable. Another words, if you have grown use to living in chaos, then being ejected into a peaceful atmosphere, can be overwhelming to your senses.

My first recollection of this feeling of in between my time, or lostness, was when my father divorced my first stepmother after having been married to her for almost 10 years. My step mother had a son who was only a year and a half older than me, and a handicapped daughter who was a year and half younger than me. I had been the middle child during the relationship for years, and now I was going to be slung back into a life of being the only child. I was completely overwhelmed at the feeling of being alone. Nothing felt right, no one was the same, my world was now completely different.

I know I am not alone in this. This period of our lives, and the feeling of being uncomfortable in our own skin happens when we change jobs, careers, change relationships, move to another location, change schools, get a divorce, lose a pet, lose a family member, etc. Nothing feels right, or comfortable, and the length of time we are in this place, varies for each of us.

I find this time in my life, the most difficult of times. But yet, here I am today, I am alive, so therefore, I made it through. I made it through because I pushed through the uncomfortableness, and that uncomfortableness, began to be comfortable in itself. I adapted.

What we do with ourselves during this time, is crucial to our being. For some they can’t handle it, and they drift into negative living with bad choices. For others, they take more positive actions. Even the smallest step towards positivity can change our lives towards the better. I learned this philosophy while attending a twelve step program for my depression. The phrase, “Keep coming back, it works if you work it,” really does work, if you keep coming back! The reason you keep coming back is because eventually, it will begin to feel comfortable, like a habit.

My hope today, is that no matter where you find yourself at, just know that if you keep taking steps however so little towards where you want to be in life, you will get there eventually. Keep doing what’s right for you, and everything will fall into its place. The uncomfortableness will take on a new shape and create a new beginning. So keep coming back, and work it, and it will work for you! 🙂

Just thoughts

Bridgette~

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