Their are often times in my life that I find myself in a troubling space whether it be physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual. You know what I am talking about, the kind of space in the mind where everything gets all jumbled up and mixed up due to perhaps some bad choices or some type of neglect. For me its like a dirty house, neglected, clothes dropped on the floor, dishes piled in the sink, dust built up on the book shelf.
How I arrived at this point usually is almost shear lack of motivation, or like I mentioned above, bad choices. All these things in my life that eventually get put off, or done incorrectly, or piled up in the corner, eventually spill over into this sense of overwhelming impending disarray of emotional crisis. This awful dreadfulness like some kind of unplugged computer, eventually drains me.
Then it happens.
Something about being offset eventually snaps me like a rubber band out of the overwhelming chaos. I wake up and start cleaning house. The feeling of being offset motivates me to reset! I notice my focus is no longer hazy or lazy per say, and I am able to recognize with a clearer picture where I went wrong.
I find myself wanting to do better, be better, feel better. Be all I can be. It’s like knowing your mother is coming to visit in a matter of hours, so you start putting everything in its place, dust the bookshelf off, wash the dishes, and clean out the toilet bowl.
When all this cleaning house is done, I find something amazing has happened to my internal self, and that instead of feeling rotten to the core, I am refreshed and come out smelling like a rose. The energy that was once lost, is now recharged. Everything is feeling amazingly good, and well.
The sun is now shining bright in my life, the birds are chirping, and a sense of peace is now fulfilling. My observation of this whole process leads me to this one conclusion about life. If there was no darkness in our lives, then perhaps we would never truly appreciate the light. If we never made mistakes or bad choices then perhaps we would never truly grow as people.
Today, I can truly say, that I am thankful for the mistakes in my life, the bad choices I’ve made, the laziness that motivated me, to be better than I was perhaps even yesterday. Perhaps all these messed up things and bad feelings, have put me on a much clearer path to a brighter place. Even more so, even though I have those horrible days of depression there is this one thing I hold onto, THIS TOO SHALL PASS!
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