Today Can Be The Day To Forgive Yourself

Just like every other day, the thoughts weighed on my mind, as to what topic I was going to write about. I had work scheduled early as to avoid the high 103 temps here in Oklahoma as I am painting the exterior of a country home. I enjoy working. I enjoy fixing up things and making our world beautiful, whether it be cleaning out the weeds in a garden, or working on houses. For me personally, I find it inspiring.

I never was a girly girl, having to always wear make up, or having to worry about getting my nails done. Nope, not me, I prefer the natural look all the way. As a child I was always climbing trees, playing Tarzan, or collecting tadpoles in shallow ponds. I am grateful my dad was a handy man, always tinkering with things, trying to fix everything. Perhaps I am like that to. I’d rather have power tools and drive trucks, than get manicures. Anyway, back to today!

I was scraping away at the old paint on the siding of this old country house, and my thoughts drifted away to the days when my grandmother was around. I miss her very much today. She was a funny lady, and told me lots of stories. I was her favorite grandchild, of course, and I learned a lot from her.

Sadly to say however, a few years before she passed away, she developed dementia. I would bring her food, and she would give it away. She would repeat things all the time, and she would forget that I had come to visit her. I did not know how to deal with it. I was very young perhaps in my twenties, and so I began to avoid her and I was somehow angry with her. I did not want my own children to see this, so I kept them away too.

I found out she passed away the night before her birthday in her sleep, from a relative. My children were devastated, and so was I. Unfortunately, for me, I have been angry at myself ever since. I have always gotten along better with older people and why I was angry at my grandmother for something that she had no control over, is very saddening, and I have been carrying the guilt of my actions for years ever since.

But today, out of nowhere, I came to the realization, that I did not know any better. As I was scraping the paint away, somehow, in my mind, I was scraping the resentment away, that I had been carrying towards myself. I forgave myself. And it was as if, my grandmother was looking down at me, and giving me a big selfless hug. The heavy weight that I had placed on my shoulders has lifted and I am so very grateful for gifts like this. Why it happened today, I have no idea, but now my thoughts go back to YOU.

What burdens are you carrying? How long has it been since you have forgiven yourself? For me personally, I find it easier to forgive others, than to forgive myself. I was able to let go because I am no longer who I once was, and I was able to recognize that today. I believe that was the key to my forgiveness. I hope this can help you. Perhaps, today can be the day for you too!

Thank you for reading!


I am blessed to be here and if my work is helping you in anyway all contributions are welcomed! Thank you in advance. 

photo of coffee on wooden table


Thank you for your encouragement and support!


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