When I am in my depressive state of mind, I can not connect with anything. I completely dissociate myself, from my true self, and tend to become a totally different person. Perhaps this total disconnection is the reasoning behind the fact that when I am depressed, my anxiety level increases, because I feel like I am in a foreign world, and nothing feels comfortable. You can try to encourage me, I could win the lottery, but nothing in this state of mind would change anything. It is the most horrible place to be in, because I can not go anywhere to escape it. What triggers these depressive states, I have yet to figure out, but perhaps with this journal and time, I will be able to see some sort of pattern.
Depression is defined as: a constant feeling of sadness and loss of interest, which stops you from doing your normal activities. Different types of depression exist, with symptoms ranging from relatively minor to severe. Generally, depression does not result from a single event, but from a mix of events and factors. According to: https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/depression
I am not sure if I totally agree with this definition because I describe it as more of a state of being, state of mind. But, this is just my opinion from my own personal experience. If it were just a feeling, then some sort of comfort should be able to fix it, right? Perhaps that’s why there are so many pharmaceutical pills on the market. Pop a pill and you will be cured. Yeah, right! Excuse me, NO! Even an opened wound needs more than just a band aid to truly heal, also my opinion. Believe it or not, I was once a Registered Nurse here in the U.S. but that didn’t last long, because I wasn’t interested in slapping band aids on people and moving on. I believed people needed to be treated in a more holistic approach, and that’s not what the medical field wanted in my eyes. People were just numbers, and calculations. My patients were just a herd of cattle going through the gates, gates of hell. I found that if you treated people with kindness, and respect, and you actually took the time to get to know them, then their spirits would soar and they would tend to heal better not just physically but emotionally as well. So don’t give me a pill and expect me to start striving!
According to Google, the definition of dissociation is: the disconnection or separation of something from something else or the state of being disconnected. Now, I can absolutely see this with my depression. This definition explains to me why everything that I normally love, no longer holds that same feeling, and everywhere I go, feels so damn uncomfortable. Food doesn’t even have a taste to it. There seems to be no color in the world, and everything fades to black and white, or gray. If we find a way to break through this part of depression then perhaps just maybe we could actually reach someone who is depressed. Maybe, those positive words that people might be trying to encourage you with, might take on a meaning. You Think???
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